My life retro v.2013

After a relaxing New Year's Eve at home, I have so many thoughts running through my head for the year ahead! I decided, I'll fast forward over a post about our Christmas holiday, since we are still in the season of Christmas, and I'll write about the excitement that I feel for this new year and why. Stay tuned for some Christmas pics though.

First our rockin' New Year's Eve. Both Eric and I were feeling a bit under the weather and just tired after the last few days, so we tried to take it easy. We also had not planned on going out, as we didn't have a babysitter scheduled. I also feel like NYE is full of so much expectation and a lot of cash, when you go out, that there is NO WAY possible to have the MOST AMAZING. TIME. EVER., just because a New Year is about to start. :-) Anyway, I started the day out right, by going to the Dr. More so than ever, this past year, I realized, there is only one of me and I AM responsible for taking care of me. Eric worked from home in the morning so I could do this. We canceled some brunch plans, so we didn't pass our 'sickies' onto friends and then Eric headed into work. Eric got home after Evan went to bed and we enjoyed an evening of pizza and Iron Man 3. It was a nice time and I do really love those Iron Man movies. No, not as good as the first two, but something about the sarcastic hero appeals to my sense of humor, I think.

Evan, doing a little song and dance!

Happy New Year! From our couch to yours!

Now, a look back. 2013 has been amazing and transformational. Some of you might be saying, of course it was Sara, you became a parent, and there isn't really a bigger change in life, besides that.  I concur, and while becoming Evan's Mom, has been the most amazing gift that I could ever imagine, I think it is the journey that becoming a mother set me on, that has been the biggest change for me. To sum it up it comes down to respect, honesty and acceptance.

I have a read A LOT in the past year about being a parent. Nights and bleary mornings spent searching for answers to everything on my son and myself. How to sleep more, how to be on a schedule, how to not be on a schedule, how to nurse, what to feed him, how to be a 'good' Mom, what to avoid, what to do, what to do??? The real problem with all of this searching, is that it inherently made me feel like I didn't have the answers and it somehow meant that my son was and is a problem to be solved. That's not the case at all and I don't actually feel that way, but it is kind of how the system I encountered is set up. Please understand, that is how I felt and not how everyone feels. I also think the internet is mostly good and allows us access to volumes of information, but as in all things, moderation and reflection are important when digesting information. I finally found some ideas that really resonated with me and that  I felt I could use to help guide me in my style of parenting. I think this is a major point for parents, you have to find something that speaks to who you are, there are all sorts of resources out there and I think what's important is finding what works for you and your family.

I stumbled across a few women who had done a lot of interesting work with caring for infants and children. Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler; they and some of their attitudes have really influenced how I think about Evan, parenting and people in general. Another woman, who has been of tremendous value is Janet Lansbury, and yes, she is related to our favorite detective from "Murder, She Wrote". Her blog has been so valuable to me, as I think about respecting other human beings, infants and children included, in my every day life. It has also helped me remember to respect myself and be kind to myself. Could our world, our city, our neighborhood be more civil, if everyone was treated with a tad bit more respect? What if you were kind to yourself today, instead of beating yourself up over something?

Magda has some really good quotes attributed to her. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more.
• My attitude has always been: Wait, Wait, Wait.
• Allow the child to be authentic, to move, to feel the way they move, appreciating them for what they are.
• "Having respect for the world is when you allow people to be what they are."

There's also a phrase and I'm paraphrasing, I do not know who it should be attributed to, but someone, not me. 
"Many bad things have been done in the name of love, but doing the wrong or bad thing is very difficult in the name of respect."


This whole idea of respect got me thinking about communicating and how I communicate. Specifically, how honest am I really being. I started thinking about this because soon Evan will be talking and right now I am talking to him, all of the time. I talk to him because I know it helps his vocabulary and his brain develop, but I also talk to him because it is helping him develop emotionally as well. And quite frankly, if you spend all day with a person, I think it's kind of strange not to talk to them. I really enjoy my time with him, most of the time, and I bet that is how it is with most people you spend great amount of time with. You mostly enjoy it, but you don't always see eye to eye and sometimes you need time apart and sometimes you just disagree. How often do you express this? Especially to people you claim to be "super tight" with, or your spouse or family? How often do you hold back what you are truly thinking because you might hurt someone's feelings? Yet at the end of the day, here is a person you supposedly care about, very much, you might even love them, and you can't tell them what you are honestly thinking. That just didn't feel right to me and I felt it was incongruent with what I want to teach Evan and encourage people in my life to do and be with me. When he begins to speak, I will encourage him to be honest, because I feel this is an important quality to have. So I'm trying out honesty with respect and working on communicating in a manner which does both. It is not easy and it is making me slow down and think, before I speak. It is helping me to stretch my vocabulary again and ask more questions to fully understand what someone is saying. It is helping me stop beating around the bush, but be conscious of others people's feelings and thoughts. It is challenging and has been a tremendous force of change in my life and relationships.

Last but not least, and in line with these other two ideas of change for my life; acceptance. And really it boils down to the fact that I cannot control another human being. Record scratch....Say What??!!
I know, it's revolutionary, but seriously, this is something we all know, I mean WE ALL KNOW! But I didn't truly accept this fact. I mean that is why we get so upset, so often, in our day to day lives. And this includes everyone, meaning my wonderful child and my spouse. Oh no, are you sure, are you serious? Yep, the only person I can control, is myself and how I react to others. I used to think people who said this kind of thing were hokey and I was like, okay, you're high on self actualization, hip, hip hooray for you. But this whole concept is so very FREEING! It doesn't mean it's easy and it doesn't mean it's a one and done type of thing, but working towards this has been so good for my life. It's being honest that people hurt my feelings, even people who say they love me or are good friends, but I get to control what I do about it. I get to control how I respond. Amazingly obvious, but so amazingly good for my life.

So this is kind of long and I had to change the title of this post, because I didn't even get to 2014 yet. I guess I had a lot to get out here. Hope you enjoyed it and hope it made you think a bit about your own life and the world we live in. More to come on what I hope for, for 2014....oh yeah and the Christmas post!

Adios~