An exploding pen, could it ruin my day?

As I'm driving this morning, getting ready to make a phone call (handsfree, of course), I'm digging in my purse for a pen. I get the car stopped, try to write with it and nothing. No ink. Argh, of course, I am thinking and then I look at my hand and it is all over me. Even better!

My life right now is tumultuous, to say the least. Things are happening that are very much out of my control. And yet, are we ever really in control? I think that is one of life's great questions, but not where I feel like going today. This simple, everyday, mundane surprise of a pen exploding, somehow, now has the chance of setting my day off in a very negative direction. That is not what I want. Not at all.

So what to do, as I'm driving down the beautiful tree lined streets of Anytown, USA. I can flip out, start wiping my hand on my skirt and have ink all over my steering wheel. Or I can calmly take a moment to pause and investigate, because maybe the ink isn't coming from the pen at all? Maybe there is some secret ink well that I never knew was in my car. I do think Jeep, is now putting in ink wells, so I can pull out my quill and pen a letter. Nope, that's not it. The pen in my hand, is truly leaking. I set it down on the floor mat. I stare at my hand, realizing, it's not just on my fingertips, but somehow it's on the back of my hand as well. How does that even happen? I don't know.

I was struck at how thankful I am that I didn't flip out. The pen is in solitary, on my floor mat, it has been handled. I still have a mess on my hands, and yet, it's not spreading. I was starving after this major incident in my day and now I was able to proceed to the local cafe, WASH MY HANDS, and order the most delicious 'bacado' omelet.

I think in life we forget that we always have choices, no matter how small, or mundane, we always have a choice. Sometimes we choose to act, sometimes we choose not to. Today, in this instance, I'm glad I decided not to.

I hope that no pens come exploding into your life today, but if, and when they do, I hope you make the best choice for you, in that moment.

That is all friends,

Sara

No, this is not the pen in question! :-)

Status Update: Honestly Moderate - My life v.2014

As my birthday has come and gone and we are now about halfway through the year 2014 AD, I thought it would be a good time to check and see how I am doing with the goals I set for the year. Here's the original post: http://casadecrawford.blogspot.com/2014_01_01_archive.html

I believe this line sums up nicely, how I started the year: "Three themes will hopefully focus me on my journey to be the best Sara Crawford I can be this year; moderation, respectful honesty, and personal responsibility"

Moderation
This has definitely been a hard one for me so far. I am attempting to be a recovering perfectionist and I think moderation is nearly the antithesis of perfection. I tend to, like many people, want to go to extremes. If something is not 'good' for me, well, I'll just abstain from it completely. Or I'll exercise until exhaustion, because exercise is 'good' for me. Moderation, for me, also means taking life more slowly, or accepting life as it happens. One of the things I love about being a stay at home mom is the opportunity to set the pace for the day, for Evan and I. Slowing down and just being with him, sitting and watching him learn and play is one of the most rewarding times of my day and life right now. If I could only remember get out of his way more often and just let him be. I also need to try get out of my own way, if this moderation thing is going to take root in my life.

Respectful Honesty
This one continues to be troubling to me. Not in the sense that I am not working hard to make it part of who I am, but in the way it is received by others. I feel, we really have become a people and society that is unable to respectfully disagree with one another, without disparaging another person. It troubles me, that I can't hold a different view then someone else, without having some serious judgement come my way. I do feel that there are certain values and moral tenets that we must hold  to firmly, in regards to interacting with others. Yet, respectful discourse and being honest and true to yourself seem to be just as integral. I continue to be impressed by the people in my life where this characteristic is valued and appreciated.

Personal Responsibility
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, I've got this one down pretty good. As I knew in January, "Where I spend my time will demonstrate what my priorities are to the world"

Some things have changed in my world, but these are still my hopes for 2014. I hold firm to the idea that a more fulfilling and calm life lie ahead. And by digging in my more recent past (January 2014), I think I will be able to enjoy my current days even more. I am blessed to have so many wonderful people to spend my life with.

Do you have your resolutions from January lying around somewhere? Maybe it's time to dust those off, or at least perform a little tune up for yourself. I know that this year I don't think I'll have the same dread I have had in the past, of another year gone by and feeling like I have nothing to show for it. Nope, this year, by focusing on me, I don't think I'll feel that way at all.

That is all.

Sara

My little movie star!

Severe empathetic, born out of pain

I just had the pleasure of watching "X-Men: Days of Future Past"; oh, how fitting it was for the day I am having. I've loved the X-Men since I was a little girl, not the comic book (sorry Marvel fans), but definitely the cartoon version. As an adult, a lady couldn't ask for much more than to have Wolverine come alive through Hugh Jackman. I'm so pleased that the wonderful people of 20th Century Fox picked up this great storyline and that I'll get to enjoy even more films in the future. I bet my son is going to grow up loving the storyline too.

It is appealing to me in so many ways, it's hard to narrow it down to just a few, but I shall try. Mutants or people who are different, good vs. evil and free will, these are the themes I am loving the most today.

For a long time I've felt that I've had a severe case of empathy for others. Empathy, is defined as, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. So for me, it is as if I can really feel other people's and being's emotions. Most of the time, it is so very real for me. It's a gift, really. I've always felt that it was a benefit, something to be grateful for. I never explored where it came from, or why I might be like this. Maybe I didn't want to know, or maybe I figured, the why didn't really matter that much. This is who I am and I like it.

One of the challenges to this is that it leaves me very vulnerable at times. I tend to put myself out there, without abandon, much to the chagrin of my loved ones and supporters. I can hear them now, "Ah, she's at it again!" Some might look at my choices and say, well she doesn't really do a great analysis before she puts her heart out there. On the contrary, I would say, the majority of the time, I do a great deal of reflection and analysis of risk and reward before making a decision to put myself in a vulnerable position. Being empathetic is so much part of who I am, that now I tend to act decisively. You see, I think I've had this trait since I was young and so that provides me about with 25 years of experience, give or take a few. I consider myself pretty lucky to be a severe empathetic.

However, recently I realized that by not exploring the why of this severe empathy trait, I may have left myself open to hurt and even danger. Which brings me to one of the other constructs that I love about life and the X-Men, the constant battle between "good and evil". Some might argue that these are man made, moral concepts, reinforced by religious zealots, Churches and centuries of societal norms and mores. That's all well and good. I can give you that, I can. However, if you have stood next to evil, seen it up close and in person, looked it in the eyes even, again, in my opinion it doesn't really matter why you believe in it. I believe, what matters is your level of fear, the amount of evil you can endure and ultimately the strength that is built from your experience.

Thus, I hypothesize that my severe empathy was born out of pain. Have I survived any more or less pain, than any of you reading along? Maybe and maybe not? However, I do feel, that I have, taken every opportunity that I could, to allow my pain to fuel my growth, especially in empathy. Have I done it perfectly, not in the slightest. I am human after all, not a mutant!

Which is how we get to our last and final X-Men thought; free will. We always have a choice. We can always choose how to deal with our own personal pain. We can always choose how we deal with others' pain. Every day we wake up, we can try to self correct. We can try, time and time again, to put ourselves in someone else's shoes for a moment, a minute or an hour and truly feel what it might be like, to be them, for that short while. Would that change our actions, would that change how we react.

I leave you with a few thoughts for whenever you have a moment:
Could you be making a better decision?
Are you doing the very best you can to support your loved ones today?
If you aren't, how might you try to do better tomorrow?
I think the one caveat to all of these questions and thoughts, is that it is very important to know your own limits.

I am and always will be, an eternal optimist, so as my favorite professor said: "Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment- a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide....for the future is never truly set." X-Men: Days of Future Past, 2014

That is all.

Sara

Adulthood, where dreams go to die.....if we allow it.

Many of you know that Eric, Evan and I are going through a challenging time, where our family will be forever changed. Many thoughts run through my mind...ALL of the time!

Evan and I are in Indianapolis living with my parents.  Along with all of the things that the Crawford (Wantuck & Lanham) family is working through, I now realize that I had not dealt with baggage from my past. There were some toxic people, ideas, memories and broken dreams, that surprisingly to me, came flooding back when Evan and I set up shop, down here at 5446.  It's been a shocking month, not good or bad, but shocking, for me. I thought I moved away for school, jobs and life, which I did, but instead of dealing with this baggage, I buried it. I have found that when I bury pain and hurtful experiences, these things aren't really gone, they get to come along for the ride of my life.

I think somewhere along the way adults want to help children learn that 'life is not fair'. I think this is a great lesson to learn and it is the TRUTH, or at least it has been in my life. However, I believe we do our children and ourselves a disservice, if we think that it is only true in our life and not in everyone's. Myopic, if you will. How we think about and teach this lesson is also important. Somewhere along the line, I believe I started to believe this notion to an extreme. That we naturally have to give things up as we get older. I would challenge that notion and say I have to carefully choose my priorities and choose what I spend my time doing, but I don't have to give up anything I don't want to. I do have that control, if I am courageous enough to take it.

When I ran/walk/jogged the Derby half marathon the other weekend, I was reminded of this, as I saw many folks older than me, running in front of, alongside and behind me. When I do that type of event it reminds me, that I need to push the envelope for myself a bit. So I'm nearing 35 and my friend Kacy and I still joke/dream about taking on the world's elite in sand volleyball in Rio 2016.  She would be an awesome teammate, by the way! I now firmly believe that if she and I really wanted to go after that, we could and we would do fairly well. Boastful, you might be thinking, maybe? Quite frankly, I don't think we have some super talent, but we have learned the nature of hardwork, of perseverance, of dedication and I do think we could do it, if we choose to. If not Rio, there is always Tokyo!

I leave you with a few questions:
Did you let your dreams die because somewhere along the way you were told you had to, to grow up, to 'be real'?
What if the real secret to life is that you don't have to do that, if you don't want to?
What if you actually have control of pursuing your dreams, no matter what your age?

That is all.

Sara

Dream: Being a weight lifting train conductor

Dream: Riding a horse at work all day

Dream: Hanging out with his Mommy whenever he wants to

"It's Lent, BABY!" (read in Dick Vitale's voice over)

I don't know why Dickie V popped into my head while I was thinking about Lent, but he did. Maybe because Lent and March Madness tend to go hand in hand.

I had a crazy Fat Tuesday, but not really in a good sense. So, as I was hopping into bed and looking through Facebook as I often do, before I turn off the lights, I noticed several people posting about Lent. Shoot, I had not thought about how I was going to actively participate in Lent this year, at all. Part of me questions whether I should write this post or not, as I look at the Scripture for today. I guess in my mind as I read the Gospel, I think Jesus is speaking to us about intent and what is in our hearts. I have no idea what God and Jesus would even think about the Internet or blogging. They might see some of it and be very disappointing, but maybe they see part of it and think "There are My Lights, shining in the darkness." I don't know, I do not pretend to think I even know God, half as well, as I think I do somedays.

This is one of my favorite crucifixes, if there is such a thing.
I bought it while traveling in Ireland and it is made from
peat moss, which comes from a bog. 

My intent with this post is two-fold. One, is accountability for myself. I feel that when I write things down and make goals public, I have a much better chance of succeeding in accomplishing them. Two, is support and community. The world can feel very dark at times and maybe you are reading this and you haven't thought about Lenten promises since you were in grade school. Or you forgot today is Ash Wednesday, or you are wondering "Why do I see so many people with dirt on their foreheads today?" Then my hope is you read this and it jogs something in your spirit to assist you in your spiritual journey.

What is Lent all about? Well Catholic Daily, one of my liked Facebook pages, gives this description: "Journeying through the “desert” of fasting, prayer, and almsgiving as we travel toward the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection at Easter." So most people try to choose to do an active act, toward each of these areas, throughout Lent. Here are mine:

Fasting

For me, this year, I have a situation in my life, where I could throw in the towel. In fact some days, I REALLY want to throw in the towel. However, I have decided that I will 'give up' throwing in the towel for Lent. I will keep these towels in my life, willingly, for the next 40 days and 40 nights.

Here are my dirty towels, waiting for the laundry.

Prayer

I will pray the Rosary, every day in Lent. Whew, Every Day?! This one will be tough, but I really want to get into the habit and better learn the Rosary. I also know that when I have put the Rosary more frequently in my life, in the past, I really benefit from the peace it brings me. Plus, much to my parent's chagrin, when reading this, I don't feel like I know the Rosary well enough. Not off the top of my head, like I would like to, or feel that I should, for 12 years of Catholic education and many road trips where we prayed it together in the car. Sorry Mom and Dad :-)

This photo is fuzzy, not sure why, I took it 3 times!
The rosary I gave to Grandma W, from when I was at the Vatican.
After she died, I received it back. When I pray the rosary with
this rosary, I think she will be praying with me and I will
feel her presence along with Mary's.

Almsgiving

To work on improving myself and the world I live in, I will contribute a $1 to charity, every time I speak or act on a mean/disparaging thought towards another person. This one is going to be pretty tough for me as well. Sometimes, if I'm truthful, I enjoy being mean to others, it does something for me, makes me feel better or smarter about myself......temporarily, but then it fades and as these 'mean times' add up, I'm left feeling worse and my outlook of the world changes. I haven't decided on the charity yet, but I do have a few good ones in mind.

So this is the beginning of my Lenten journey for 2014. Where do you find yourself this Lenten season? Might you participate this year in a way that you haven't before? I would love to hear from you, so feel free to share how you are considering to participate in Lent below! 

A son's compassion

I believe some of you know that we are about to embark on an adventure down to Honduras. Eric's mother was raised in Honduras and most of her family still lives there. Eric spent many summers in Honduras and he wanted to share some of this with Evan and I. For our first voyage there, we will be spending time in both Roatan and the capital Tegucigalpa. (See a map) His Mom will be traveling with us, which I think will really add to our travels.

I'm pretty excited! Evan and I have been discussing some of the different things that we might experience on our adventure. He especially loves bananas right now and I'm so glad because those come from Honduras.  So I know we'll be able to find plenty of those for him to eat. One thing I did in preparation (after my wise brother mentioned it ;-) was to check out the CDC website and receive some additional vaccines and medications to protect us from some of the health situations that we do not come in contact with, here in Chicago. Tuesday we went to see Evan's doctor and he received his shot. He does fairly well with his shots, as we talk about it a lot before hand. That it will most likely hurt because the needle pinches when it goes into his skin, that it's okay to cry when it hurts, that I'll be with him the whole time and that it most likely won't hurt for very long. We also talk about how these medicines help our bodies  stay as healthy as they can. You might think that is a little much for a 13 month old, but his response says it all to me. He cries for a minute and then is able to calm himself down and be good to go and his smiley self, before we leave the room. I love that about him and I really like telling him about the whole process.

Well today, it was my turn. I had been telling him how I would be getting a shot and he wasn't going to get one today, that it was just for Mommy. The time came and the nurse came in. I was holding Evan in the opposite arm that I was going to receive the shot in, for obvious reasons. I still like to look away when I get shots, hey it works for me, I know it's coming, but I don't want to actually see it happen. He was staring at the nurse very intently, watching what she was doing as she cleaned my arm. Then came the needle and as she stuck it in, he started to cry. It was amazing! I choose to believe that he was crying for me, that he was worried for me and he knew that it might hurt. He was demonstrating compassion for his Mommy and I was so very proud. You might read this and feel he was thinking something else, but the nurse and I watched it all and were both pretty amazed at how he really seemed to empathize with me and my getting shots. Again, I choose to believe this.

I am so thankful to be Evan's Mom and he made my heart smile again today! It never ceases to amaze me how much children can process and feel, if we give them a chance to. It reminds me to keep slowing down, what the heck am I hurrying for!


Here are some recent pictures of Evan from a trip to Indianapolis to celebrate my Dad's 60th Birthday. Happy Birthday Dad and Grandpa!

Hello!

Grandpa's eyes might be closed, but I'm all smiles.

Still closed Grandpa! 

Family time

Understanding Mom Friend Vows

The world of Mommy blogs and Facebook is abuzz at times as Moms and parents in 2014 try to identify with the feelings they have about all of the many choices in the world today. Many of them that get circulated, at least to my inbox or newsfeed, are positive and are trying to break down some of the hypercritical judgement that I think most everyone feels these days. Although I enjoy many of them and feel they are in the best spirit to help us be more understanding of each other, I do feel at times that they fall short.  As I was thinking about this and my own friendships, new and old, I felt like I needed to write some vows to my fellow Mom friends, to both my current friends and those whom I hope to meet and make in the future.

What is a vow? A vow is a solemn promise, according to my Google search for a good definition. In my mind that means, a serious promise, one that I, the person making the vow, will not take lightly.

So these are my vows to you, fellow Mommy friends:

Understanding Mom Friend Vows

• I vow to not give advice, unless it is solicited.
• I vow to remember that what has worked for me, with my children, is a sample size of 1 (God willing it will be more than one in the future) and therefore it is statistically insignificant and does not make me an expert.
• I vow to respect you and the choices you are making for yourself and your children. Unless I feel that your child's safety or emotional well being are in danger, I will make every effort to respect you as a parent.
• I vow to be honest with you. If I choose to do things differently than you, I will respectfully voice that. Our friendship doesn't have to be based on our agreeing to raise our children the exact same way.
• I vow to acknowledge that my parenting choices are based on the fact that my family is made up of 3 (currently) unique individuals, who all have different experiences, opinions and feelings. And most likely your choices are based on this fact as well. 
• I vow to minimize judgement. Most likely I will fail here, because I am human and to me that means being an imperfect being. As a human being I make thousands of judgements a day, which are very necessary for my survival and existence, so to turn off my judgement, is very hard. Yet, I vow to be consciously aware of this and to do my best to not let my judgements effect our friendship.
• I vow to demonstrate my parenting style by respecting you as an individual and a friend.

Let's be better friends!

I wrote this with Mom friends in mind, but I think it could apply to Dads, parents and any relationship.

Honestly Moderate - My life v.2014

On this Eve of Feb. 1, I thought I would finally write a bit about what I'm hoping for, for my life, in 2014.

There is a cheesy, but great line, in a kind-of-cheesy movie,  The Wedding Date.  It's something like, "Every woman has the exact love life, that she wants to have".  Do I tell you this, so you will run out  to rent this soon to be, awesome, classic movie?? No, no. This line, for whatever reason, has stuck with me, not in regards to my love life, but regarding life in general. And it came to me again, as I started thinking about the new year of 2014.

One aspect of who I am, is to be my best self; a person who is on a continual quest. Which is a process that I do not think will cease, until I leave this planet. I'm not exactly sure where this is rooted. I do think that my Catholic upbringing and education has something to do with it, as retreats and reflection were ideas from that period in my life that have stuck with me. That period, being grades 1-12 and 17&18. I think in my post-MBA graduation life, I've wandered from this tenet, and I've realized that's been a mistake. I've decided there is no time like the present, to get back to it.

Three themes will hopefully focus me on my journey to be the best Sara Crawford I can be this year; moderation, respectful honesty, personal responsibility. It's hard to know which one to start with, as I think they are all interrelated.

Moderation

I'm starting to say, "No". Not in a mean, harsh, or judgmental way, but in the most respectful way that I can. If my movie quote line is correct, then I have the exact life that I want to have. If I have no time to do the things I want to do, to pursue the goals I want to pursue, then it is most likely because I'm putting some other priorities above those. I'm spending my time, my thoughts and my resources in ways that are not in line with what I value, or what I say I value. So I'm bringing in some moderation and I hope I can continue it for years to come. If I'm tired, I'll sleep (instead of watch T.V., troll the internet, get stuck on facebook). If I don't want to go out, I won't (and I won't be fearful of what you might think of me for not being "popular" or having an "exciting" weekend). I'm going to stop buying stuff, for stuff's sake. Does anyone else dread the thought of moving, because you have so much stuff? Papers and boxes and closets full of things. I think for me, these 'things' just tend to hold me back from having a more calm and peaceful life. 

Respectful Honesty

This one has been the hardest, thus far, and the one that is not received so well by others and loved ones in my life. Have you noticed how we do a lot of assuming these days? We assume other people, people who are dear to us, think and feel the same way as we do. We assume that we "know" that person who cut us in line, is out to get us. I think sometimes it can be easier to assume we know about other people, instead of actually taking the time to get to know someone. I think this can be even most true, for the people we love the most. So, I've started asking questions and that has ruffled some feathers. Sometimes, I think people feel I'm mocking them by asking a basic question, or that I'm trying to insight a riot. I'm not, I promise. I'm working on trying to ask the people in my life to explain something to me, when I don't understand. I think it will help me grow, as well as help our relationship grow. Our society today claims to be so tolerant of others, but are we really. It makes us vulnerable to have to actually explain why we think something or believe something, but wouldn't life be a bit better if we could just leave it at that. You tell me what you think, I tell you what I think and if we don't agree, as long as we are still being respectful of each other, I think we've just made a giant step for mankind. Sometimes one side will win and sometimes the other side will win, and that will be the ebb and flow of how life goes.

Personal Responsibility

Or OWN IT. This one has been gnawing at me, for awhile. It links very closely with my thoughts for Moderation. It's time to stop making excuses. It's not about being a harsh judge and dictator of myself, but it's about being real. If I'm feeling undisciplined and I eat a whole bag of M&M's (no not the individual serving size, but the kind that is for 9 people to share) in one day, then hey, I did it. I shouldn't have and I know it's not good for body, but I did and luckily since I'm still nursing Evan and have started running again, I haven't gained a gazillion pounds. But I ate them and that's for real. If I want to travel and spend more time with people I care about, then I've got to do that, not talk about how important it is and not do anything about it. Where I spend my time will demonstrate what my priorities are to the world.

These are my hopes for 2014. By working on these three things, I hope to have a more fulfilling and calm life. I hope to truly enjoy my days and the people who I am so blessed to spend them with.

Does anyone have anything they are working on for this year? Feel free to share :-)

My inspiration to be the best that I can be! We had a great family photo shoot for Evan's 1st Birthday with Alyssa from http://www.candidclicker.com

Go Irish!

Evan, has turned 1!

How in the world can this be? My gosh, just thinking back to the days before Evan was born and reliving his birth experience with Eric. It was quite an experience for all of us. I'm so grateful to have Eric as my husband and Evan as my son.

So what is Evan up to these days:

• He likes to say: "Yaaa, yaaa, yaaa"; "daaa, daaa, daaa"; "maaa, maaa, maaa" with no particular relation to anyone or anything
• He likes to screech and shriek a lot
• He climbs on top of boxes and crawls down, as well as puts boxes on his head
• He trys to crawl over me when I lie on the floor
• He gives semi-high-fives and thinks they are hilarious
• He opens and closes his hands around mine
• He reaches for his cup when he would like water and is using a training cup
• He is cruising everywhere and crawling real fast
• He is wearing 12 mos clothes and they seem to fit him just fine
• He is still mostly a fruitarian and vegetarian, but he has started eating some yogurt, still really isn't into the meats, unless it finely pureed
• He loves books and can turn pages forward and backwards
• He likes to bite everything, well, except meat at the dinner table....
• He continues to be a hugger and I love that!

For his birthday we had family come into town for the weekend. It was excellent to have them join us for a celebration before the big day. Abuelita, Nana and Grandpa joined us, as well as Uncle Stephen for some gifts, party hats, lunch and cake. Evan cautiously explored the lion cake I made for him (see Betty Crocker's version below,  my version was similar :-). He put his hands in it a bit and tasted some, but he just wasn't really into it. That's okay with me. As someone who has a vicious sweet tooth, I know how hard it can be to control those cravings and have the discipline to stop! He'll be fine without it for a bit longer.

Onward to year 2!

Helping Mommy with some shopping for the
Colts game watch.

Evan and I, at our friend, Julia's birthday party.

The lion cake I made for Evan, this is Betty Crocker's
photo, it might have turned out better than mine....

Grandpa and Evan in his party hat.

Evan like his party hat and wore it
for quite some time!

Abuelita and Evan

A large 1 on our door, helped everyone know
where the party was at. 

Opening presents with Evan, as a family.

Reading his cards

A puppy shape sorter

Hmm, how do I get down from here?

1st Christmas as a Family of 3

This Christmas, after becoming a Mom, I definitely had a different perspective and increased wonderment at the story of the Holy Family and the birth of Jesus. I could think back to the birth of Evan, with all of our modern conveniences, and I was full of so many emotions. I can only begin to try to understand Mary's thoughts and feelings. What an awesome example she is of true faith!

We traveled down to Indpls on Monday night, with Uncle Steve in tow, for our Christmas holiday.  Luckily, Eric's current work situation is so much better than it used to be and he has the flexibility to work remotely and have a few days off. We stayed with my parents for the week and it was lovely to be around family.

Christmas Eve found us at the very packed, 5 p.m. mass, at Christ the King. Dad and Steve stood firm, as they held some seats for the rest of the family, as we arrived. It was standing room only, when Mom, Evan, Eric and I arrived at 4:40 p.m. Then we headed off to the Lanham's for a Christmas Eve feast and some present sharing with them. Evan was a trooper, a bit fussy in Mass, but the pews were full and it was getting hot in there, so I could relate. He was able to eat some dinner and then lie down for a bit in the Lanham's office, in their pack n' play, while the rest of us enjoyed some gifts.

Evan and I, 1st Christmas!

You know it takes a few shots to get one...

And no, there will not be one where we are both looking
the same way and smiling at the same time, but that's okay.

Cruising in my shirt and tie.

Hmm, what's this??

What? Who me?!

Surprise!

Daddy and I, looking handsome.
Thanks Grandma Lynne for my fun Santa bib!

Christmas morning we all slept in, even Evan!  We were up around 8 a.m., which is an incredible feat. We had some last minute wrapping to take care of and Santa needed to fill the stockings. In my family's tradition, opening presents is a bit of a slower process, but nice and relaxing. We have a fun tradition of opening one gift at a time, starting with the oldest person, down to the youngest. I really enjoy doing it this way, as it allows both the gift giver and receiver an opportunity to relish in the gift. This was the tradition from the Wantuck side of the family. Evan was able to open a few gifts, before he needed to lie down for his morning nap.  We then enjoyed a nice meal prepared by my Mom and brother. My Aunt Debbie and Uncle Chris joined us for a few hours of visiting in the afternoon. Then we got active in the evening with a bit of family Wii-ing. We had taken last Christmas off from this tradition, my pregnancy probably being the main reason, but it is a lot of fun. Four controllers, means a lot of family competition.

Hmm, what is this round thing?

Wait, is anyone looking?

I'll take a bite out of it and see what it is...hard and stone like....

Thanks Grandma Lynne for my fun Christmas Day
outfit and booties!

My first Christmas dinner, using a plate my Mommy
used when she was growing up!

Overall it was a very relaxing and leisurely Christmas Day and I was so happy to start some treasured family traditions with our son. I went to bed that evening feeling so very blessed. I hope I can keep a bit of that feeling alive throughout the coming year!

My life retro v.2013

After a relaxing New Year's Eve at home, I have so many thoughts running through my head for the year ahead! I decided, I'll fast forward over a post about our Christmas holiday, since we are still in the season of Christmas, and I'll write about the excitement that I feel for this new year and why. Stay tuned for some Christmas pics though.

First our rockin' New Year's Eve. Both Eric and I were feeling a bit under the weather and just tired after the last few days, so we tried to take it easy. We also had not planned on going out, as we didn't have a babysitter scheduled. I also feel like NYE is full of so much expectation and a lot of cash, when you go out, that there is NO WAY possible to have the MOST AMAZING. TIME. EVER., just because a New Year is about to start. :-) Anyway, I started the day out right, by going to the Dr. More so than ever, this past year, I realized, there is only one of me and I AM responsible for taking care of me. Eric worked from home in the morning so I could do this. We canceled some brunch plans, so we didn't pass our 'sickies' onto friends and then Eric headed into work. Eric got home after Evan went to bed and we enjoyed an evening of pizza and Iron Man 3. It was a nice time and I do really love those Iron Man movies. No, not as good as the first two, but something about the sarcastic hero appeals to my sense of humor, I think.

Evan, doing a little song and dance!

Happy New Year! From our couch to yours!

Now, a look back. 2013 has been amazing and transformational. Some of you might be saying, of course it was Sara, you became a parent, and there isn't really a bigger change in life, besides that.  I concur, and while becoming Evan's Mom, has been the most amazing gift that I could ever imagine, I think it is the journey that becoming a mother set me on, that has been the biggest change for me. To sum it up it comes down to respect, honesty and acceptance.

I have a read A LOT in the past year about being a parent. Nights and bleary mornings spent searching for answers to everything on my son and myself. How to sleep more, how to be on a schedule, how to not be on a schedule, how to nurse, what to feed him, how to be a 'good' Mom, what to avoid, what to do, what to do??? The real problem with all of this searching, is that it inherently made me feel like I didn't have the answers and it somehow meant that my son was and is a problem to be solved. That's not the case at all and I don't actually feel that way, but it is kind of how the system I encountered is set up. Please understand, that is how I felt and not how everyone feels. I also think the internet is mostly good and allows us access to volumes of information, but as in all things, moderation and reflection are important when digesting information. I finally found some ideas that really resonated with me and that  I felt I could use to help guide me in my style of parenting. I think this is a major point for parents, you have to find something that speaks to who you are, there are all sorts of resources out there and I think what's important is finding what works for you and your family.

I stumbled across a few women who had done a lot of interesting work with caring for infants and children. Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler; they and some of their attitudes have really influenced how I think about Evan, parenting and people in general. Another woman, who has been of tremendous value is Janet Lansbury, and yes, she is related to our favorite detective from "Murder, She Wrote". Her blog has been so valuable to me, as I think about respecting other human beings, infants and children included, in my every day life. It has also helped me remember to respect myself and be kind to myself. Could our world, our city, our neighborhood be more civil, if everyone was treated with a tad bit more respect? What if you were kind to yourself today, instead of beating yourself up over something?

Magda has some really good quotes attributed to her. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more.
• My attitude has always been: Wait, Wait, Wait.
• Allow the child to be authentic, to move, to feel the way they move, appreciating them for what they are.
• "Having respect for the world is when you allow people to be what they are."

There's also a phrase and I'm paraphrasing, I do not know who it should be attributed to, but someone, not me. 
"Many bad things have been done in the name of love, but doing the wrong or bad thing is very difficult in the name of respect."


This whole idea of respect got me thinking about communicating and how I communicate. Specifically, how honest am I really being. I started thinking about this because soon Evan will be talking and right now I am talking to him, all of the time. I talk to him because I know it helps his vocabulary and his brain develop, but I also talk to him because it is helping him develop emotionally as well. And quite frankly, if you spend all day with a person, I think it's kind of strange not to talk to them. I really enjoy my time with him, most of the time, and I bet that is how it is with most people you spend great amount of time with. You mostly enjoy it, but you don't always see eye to eye and sometimes you need time apart and sometimes you just disagree. How often do you express this? Especially to people you claim to be "super tight" with, or your spouse or family? How often do you hold back what you are truly thinking because you might hurt someone's feelings? Yet at the end of the day, here is a person you supposedly care about, very much, you might even love them, and you can't tell them what you are honestly thinking. That just didn't feel right to me and I felt it was incongruent with what I want to teach Evan and encourage people in my life to do and be with me. When he begins to speak, I will encourage him to be honest, because I feel this is an important quality to have. So I'm trying out honesty with respect and working on communicating in a manner which does both. It is not easy and it is making me slow down and think, before I speak. It is helping me to stretch my vocabulary again and ask more questions to fully understand what someone is saying. It is helping me stop beating around the bush, but be conscious of others people's feelings and thoughts. It is challenging and has been a tremendous force of change in my life and relationships.

Last but not least, and in line with these other two ideas of change for my life; acceptance. And really it boils down to the fact that I cannot control another human being. Record scratch....Say What??!!
I know, it's revolutionary, but seriously, this is something we all know, I mean WE ALL KNOW! But I didn't truly accept this fact. I mean that is why we get so upset, so often, in our day to day lives. And this includes everyone, meaning my wonderful child and my spouse. Oh no, are you sure, are you serious? Yep, the only person I can control, is myself and how I react to others. I used to think people who said this kind of thing were hokey and I was like, okay, you're high on self actualization, hip, hip hooray for you. But this whole concept is so very FREEING! It doesn't mean it's easy and it doesn't mean it's a one and done type of thing, but working towards this has been so good for my life. It's being honest that people hurt my feelings, even people who say they love me or are good friends, but I get to control what I do about it. I get to control how I respond. Amazingly obvious, but so amazingly good for my life.

So this is kind of long and I had to change the title of this post, because I didn't even get to 2014 yet. I guess I had a lot to get out here. Hope you enjoyed it and hope it made you think a bit about your own life and the world we live in. More to come on what I hope for, for 2014....oh yeah and the Christmas post!

Adios~