Honestly Moderate - My life v.2014

On this Eve of Feb. 1, I thought I would finally write a bit about what I'm hoping for, for my life, in 2014.

There is a cheesy, but great line, in a kind-of-cheesy movie,  The Wedding Date.  It's something like, "Every woman has the exact love life, that she wants to have".  Do I tell you this, so you will run out  to rent this soon to be, awesome, classic movie?? No, no. This line, for whatever reason, has stuck with me, not in regards to my love life, but regarding life in general. And it came to me again, as I started thinking about the new year of 2014.

One aspect of who I am, is to be my best self; a person who is on a continual quest. Which is a process that I do not think will cease, until I leave this planet. I'm not exactly sure where this is rooted. I do think that my Catholic upbringing and education has something to do with it, as retreats and reflection were ideas from that period in my life that have stuck with me. That period, being grades 1-12 and 17&18. I think in my post-MBA graduation life, I've wandered from this tenet, and I've realized that's been a mistake. I've decided there is no time like the present, to get back to it.

Three themes will hopefully focus me on my journey to be the best Sara Crawford I can be this year; moderation, respectful honesty, personal responsibility. It's hard to know which one to start with, as I think they are all interrelated.

Moderation

I'm starting to say, "No". Not in a mean, harsh, or judgmental way, but in the most respectful way that I can. If my movie quote line is correct, then I have the exact life that I want to have. If I have no time to do the things I want to do, to pursue the goals I want to pursue, then it is most likely because I'm putting some other priorities above those. I'm spending my time, my thoughts and my resources in ways that are not in line with what I value, or what I say I value. So I'm bringing in some moderation and I hope I can continue it for years to come. If I'm tired, I'll sleep (instead of watch T.V., troll the internet, get stuck on facebook). If I don't want to go out, I won't (and I won't be fearful of what you might think of me for not being "popular" or having an "exciting" weekend). I'm going to stop buying stuff, for stuff's sake. Does anyone else dread the thought of moving, because you have so much stuff? Papers and boxes and closets full of things. I think for me, these 'things' just tend to hold me back from having a more calm and peaceful life. 

Respectful Honesty

This one has been the hardest, thus far, and the one that is not received so well by others and loved ones in my life. Have you noticed how we do a lot of assuming these days? We assume other people, people who are dear to us, think and feel the same way as we do. We assume that we "know" that person who cut us in line, is out to get us. I think sometimes it can be easier to assume we know about other people, instead of actually taking the time to get to know someone. I think this can be even most true, for the people we love the most. So, I've started asking questions and that has ruffled some feathers. Sometimes, I think people feel I'm mocking them by asking a basic question, or that I'm trying to insight a riot. I'm not, I promise. I'm working on trying to ask the people in my life to explain something to me, when I don't understand. I think it will help me grow, as well as help our relationship grow. Our society today claims to be so tolerant of others, but are we really. It makes us vulnerable to have to actually explain why we think something or believe something, but wouldn't life be a bit better if we could just leave it at that. You tell me what you think, I tell you what I think and if we don't agree, as long as we are still being respectful of each other, I think we've just made a giant step for mankind. Sometimes one side will win and sometimes the other side will win, and that will be the ebb and flow of how life goes.

Personal Responsibility

Or OWN IT. This one has been gnawing at me, for awhile. It links very closely with my thoughts for Moderation. It's time to stop making excuses. It's not about being a harsh judge and dictator of myself, but it's about being real. If I'm feeling undisciplined and I eat a whole bag of M&M's (no not the individual serving size, but the kind that is for 9 people to share) in one day, then hey, I did it. I shouldn't have and I know it's not good for body, but I did and luckily since I'm still nursing Evan and have started running again, I haven't gained a gazillion pounds. But I ate them and that's for real. If I want to travel and spend more time with people I care about, then I've got to do that, not talk about how important it is and not do anything about it. Where I spend my time will demonstrate what my priorities are to the world.

These are my hopes for 2014. By working on these three things, I hope to have a more fulfilling and calm life. I hope to truly enjoy my days and the people who I am so blessed to spend them with.

Does anyone have anything they are working on for this year? Feel free to share :-)

My inspiration to be the best that I can be! We had a great family photo shoot for Evan's 1st Birthday with Alyssa from http://www.candidclicker.com

Go Irish!

Evan, has turned 1!

How in the world can this be? My gosh, just thinking back to the days before Evan was born and reliving his birth experience with Eric. It was quite an experience for all of us. I'm so grateful to have Eric as my husband and Evan as my son.

So what is Evan up to these days:

• He likes to say: "Yaaa, yaaa, yaaa"; "daaa, daaa, daaa"; "maaa, maaa, maaa" with no particular relation to anyone or anything
• He likes to screech and shriek a lot
• He climbs on top of boxes and crawls down, as well as puts boxes on his head
• He trys to crawl over me when I lie on the floor
• He gives semi-high-fives and thinks they are hilarious
• He opens and closes his hands around mine
• He reaches for his cup when he would like water and is using a training cup
• He is cruising everywhere and crawling real fast
• He is wearing 12 mos clothes and they seem to fit him just fine
• He is still mostly a fruitarian and vegetarian, but he has started eating some yogurt, still really isn't into the meats, unless it finely pureed
• He loves books and can turn pages forward and backwards
• He likes to bite everything, well, except meat at the dinner table....
• He continues to be a hugger and I love that!

For his birthday we had family come into town for the weekend. It was excellent to have them join us for a celebration before the big day. Abuelita, Nana and Grandpa joined us, as well as Uncle Stephen for some gifts, party hats, lunch and cake. Evan cautiously explored the lion cake I made for him (see Betty Crocker's version below,  my version was similar :-). He put his hands in it a bit and tasted some, but he just wasn't really into it. That's okay with me. As someone who has a vicious sweet tooth, I know how hard it can be to control those cravings and have the discipline to stop! He'll be fine without it for a bit longer.

Onward to year 2!

Helping Mommy with some shopping for the
Colts game watch.

Evan and I, at our friend, Julia's birthday party.

The lion cake I made for Evan, this is Betty Crocker's
photo, it might have turned out better than mine....

Grandpa and Evan in his party hat.

Evan like his party hat and wore it
for quite some time!

Abuelita and Evan

A large 1 on our door, helped everyone know
where the party was at. 

Opening presents with Evan, as a family.

Reading his cards

A puppy shape sorter

Hmm, how do I get down from here?

1st Christmas as a Family of 3

This Christmas, after becoming a Mom, I definitely had a different perspective and increased wonderment at the story of the Holy Family and the birth of Jesus. I could think back to the birth of Evan, with all of our modern conveniences, and I was full of so many emotions. I can only begin to try to understand Mary's thoughts and feelings. What an awesome example she is of true faith!

We traveled down to Indpls on Monday night, with Uncle Steve in tow, for our Christmas holiday.  Luckily, Eric's current work situation is so much better than it used to be and he has the flexibility to work remotely and have a few days off. We stayed with my parents for the week and it was lovely to be around family.

Christmas Eve found us at the very packed, 5 p.m. mass, at Christ the King. Dad and Steve stood firm, as they held some seats for the rest of the family, as we arrived. It was standing room only, when Mom, Evan, Eric and I arrived at 4:40 p.m. Then we headed off to the Lanham's for a Christmas Eve feast and some present sharing with them. Evan was a trooper, a bit fussy in Mass, but the pews were full and it was getting hot in there, so I could relate. He was able to eat some dinner and then lie down for a bit in the Lanham's office, in their pack n' play, while the rest of us enjoyed some gifts.

Evan and I, 1st Christmas!

You know it takes a few shots to get one...

And no, there will not be one where we are both looking
the same way and smiling at the same time, but that's okay.

Cruising in my shirt and tie.

Hmm, what's this??

What? Who me?!

Surprise!

Daddy and I, looking handsome.
Thanks Grandma Lynne for my fun Santa bib!

Christmas morning we all slept in, even Evan!  We were up around 8 a.m., which is an incredible feat. We had some last minute wrapping to take care of and Santa needed to fill the stockings. In my family's tradition, opening presents is a bit of a slower process, but nice and relaxing. We have a fun tradition of opening one gift at a time, starting with the oldest person, down to the youngest. I really enjoy doing it this way, as it allows both the gift giver and receiver an opportunity to relish in the gift. This was the tradition from the Wantuck side of the family. Evan was able to open a few gifts, before he needed to lie down for his morning nap.  We then enjoyed a nice meal prepared by my Mom and brother. My Aunt Debbie and Uncle Chris joined us for a few hours of visiting in the afternoon. Then we got active in the evening with a bit of family Wii-ing. We had taken last Christmas off from this tradition, my pregnancy probably being the main reason, but it is a lot of fun. Four controllers, means a lot of family competition.

Hmm, what is this round thing?

Wait, is anyone looking?

I'll take a bite out of it and see what it is...hard and stone like....

Thanks Grandma Lynne for my fun Christmas Day
outfit and booties!

My first Christmas dinner, using a plate my Mommy
used when she was growing up!

Overall it was a very relaxing and leisurely Christmas Day and I was so happy to start some treasured family traditions with our son. I went to bed that evening feeling so very blessed. I hope I can keep a bit of that feeling alive throughout the coming year!

My life retro v.2013

After a relaxing New Year's Eve at home, I have so many thoughts running through my head for the year ahead! I decided, I'll fast forward over a post about our Christmas holiday, since we are still in the season of Christmas, and I'll write about the excitement that I feel for this new year and why. Stay tuned for some Christmas pics though.

First our rockin' New Year's Eve. Both Eric and I were feeling a bit under the weather and just tired after the last few days, so we tried to take it easy. We also had not planned on going out, as we didn't have a babysitter scheduled. I also feel like NYE is full of so much expectation and a lot of cash, when you go out, that there is NO WAY possible to have the MOST AMAZING. TIME. EVER., just because a New Year is about to start. :-) Anyway, I started the day out right, by going to the Dr. More so than ever, this past year, I realized, there is only one of me and I AM responsible for taking care of me. Eric worked from home in the morning so I could do this. We canceled some brunch plans, so we didn't pass our 'sickies' onto friends and then Eric headed into work. Eric got home after Evan went to bed and we enjoyed an evening of pizza and Iron Man 3. It was a nice time and I do really love those Iron Man movies. No, not as good as the first two, but something about the sarcastic hero appeals to my sense of humor, I think.

Evan, doing a little song and dance!

Happy New Year! From our couch to yours!

Now, a look back. 2013 has been amazing and transformational. Some of you might be saying, of course it was Sara, you became a parent, and there isn't really a bigger change in life, besides that.  I concur, and while becoming Evan's Mom, has been the most amazing gift that I could ever imagine, I think it is the journey that becoming a mother set me on, that has been the biggest change for me. To sum it up it comes down to respect, honesty and acceptance.

I have a read A LOT in the past year about being a parent. Nights and bleary mornings spent searching for answers to everything on my son and myself. How to sleep more, how to be on a schedule, how to not be on a schedule, how to nurse, what to feed him, how to be a 'good' Mom, what to avoid, what to do, what to do??? The real problem with all of this searching, is that it inherently made me feel like I didn't have the answers and it somehow meant that my son was and is a problem to be solved. That's not the case at all and I don't actually feel that way, but it is kind of how the system I encountered is set up. Please understand, that is how I felt and not how everyone feels. I also think the internet is mostly good and allows us access to volumes of information, but as in all things, moderation and reflection are important when digesting information. I finally found some ideas that really resonated with me and that  I felt I could use to help guide me in my style of parenting. I think this is a major point for parents, you have to find something that speaks to who you are, there are all sorts of resources out there and I think what's important is finding what works for you and your family.

I stumbled across a few women who had done a lot of interesting work with caring for infants and children. Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler; they and some of their attitudes have really influenced how I think about Evan, parenting and people in general. Another woman, who has been of tremendous value is Janet Lansbury, and yes, she is related to our favorite detective from "Murder, She Wrote". Her blog has been so valuable to me, as I think about respecting other human beings, infants and children included, in my every day life. It has also helped me remember to respect myself and be kind to myself. Could our world, our city, our neighborhood be more civil, if everyone was treated with a tad bit more respect? What if you were kind to yourself today, instead of beating yourself up over something?

Magda has some really good quotes attributed to her. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more.
• My attitude has always been: Wait, Wait, Wait.
• Allow the child to be authentic, to move, to feel the way they move, appreciating them for what they are.
• "Having respect for the world is when you allow people to be what they are."

There's also a phrase and I'm paraphrasing, I do not know who it should be attributed to, but someone, not me. 
"Many bad things have been done in the name of love, but doing the wrong or bad thing is very difficult in the name of respect."


This whole idea of respect got me thinking about communicating and how I communicate. Specifically, how honest am I really being. I started thinking about this because soon Evan will be talking and right now I am talking to him, all of the time. I talk to him because I know it helps his vocabulary and his brain develop, but I also talk to him because it is helping him develop emotionally as well. And quite frankly, if you spend all day with a person, I think it's kind of strange not to talk to them. I really enjoy my time with him, most of the time, and I bet that is how it is with most people you spend great amount of time with. You mostly enjoy it, but you don't always see eye to eye and sometimes you need time apart and sometimes you just disagree. How often do you express this? Especially to people you claim to be "super tight" with, or your spouse or family? How often do you hold back what you are truly thinking because you might hurt someone's feelings? Yet at the end of the day, here is a person you supposedly care about, very much, you might even love them, and you can't tell them what you are honestly thinking. That just didn't feel right to me and I felt it was incongruent with what I want to teach Evan and encourage people in my life to do and be with me. When he begins to speak, I will encourage him to be honest, because I feel this is an important quality to have. So I'm trying out honesty with respect and working on communicating in a manner which does both. It is not easy and it is making me slow down and think, before I speak. It is helping me to stretch my vocabulary again and ask more questions to fully understand what someone is saying. It is helping me stop beating around the bush, but be conscious of others people's feelings and thoughts. It is challenging and has been a tremendous force of change in my life and relationships.

Last but not least, and in line with these other two ideas of change for my life; acceptance. And really it boils down to the fact that I cannot control another human being. Record scratch....Say What??!!
I know, it's revolutionary, but seriously, this is something we all know, I mean WE ALL KNOW! But I didn't truly accept this fact. I mean that is why we get so upset, so often, in our day to day lives. And this includes everyone, meaning my wonderful child and my spouse. Oh no, are you sure, are you serious? Yep, the only person I can control, is myself and how I react to others. I used to think people who said this kind of thing were hokey and I was like, okay, you're high on self actualization, hip, hip hooray for you. But this whole concept is so very FREEING! It doesn't mean it's easy and it doesn't mean it's a one and done type of thing, but working towards this has been so good for my life. It's being honest that people hurt my feelings, even people who say they love me or are good friends, but I get to control what I do about it. I get to control how I respond. Amazingly obvious, but so amazingly good for my life.

So this is kind of long and I had to change the title of this post, because I didn't even get to 2014 yet. I guess I had a lot to get out here. Hope you enjoyed it and hope it made you think a bit about your own life and the world we live in. More to come on what I hope for, for 2014....oh yeah and the Christmas post!

Adios~